kids

This morning i was driving to school in a haze. It was that haze that you feel when youve woken up--but not really. I rolled out of bed and the next thing I knew I was in the car. I was driving without thought. At each red light I thought to myself "How the hell did I get here?". I thought about my lifestyle looking around my car. I had three to go cups, a pack of gum, a lighter, a duffle bag full of work clothes, gym clothes, sleep clothes. Running shoes. Dress up shoes. It seems like I'm so busy these days that I live out of my car. I've got coats and blankets and board games and everything else you could imagine in my car. It's depressing. I remember when I was a little kid, and my parents were still together. My dad and I wrapped towel capes around our necks and danced around the living room everytime the count made an appearance on Sesame Street. Life consisted of cookies, Sesame street, dogs, worms, snuggling, dancing, and adventures. My current life consists of school, work, crashing out after hours of homework next to my boyfriend. Waking up and doing it again. It's interesting. It's scary to think about how, the next time I feel that free, I'll be wearing old people diapers and confusing my kids' names. Just as the thought passed my mind, I pulled up to the intersection of jessylin and nicholasville, I looked over to my right and saw a four year old boy on a bike--just behind him his grandfather. They weren't on their way to school or work. They were just playing. It was reassuring.