Dear Mike Tyson

Dear Mike Tyson, It's me, Rebecca Sanders. I recently saved the bald eagle population from a harmful plant bacteria, but that's sort of unrelated. I was volunteering for a zoo when I saw the most enchanting tiger. Its flaxin coat did shimmer in the dewy morning sunbath hovering low over us. Its four mighty meaty paws drumming the earth with each step, playing out a warriors march. It put a spell on me, you see. It is now apparent to me that my life's happiness depends (and not lightly) on my obtaining and maintaining a live tiger baby. I long to share an animalistic bond with she, god's most masterful creation. It is my understanding that you have a live tiger, and in fact have had one for some time. This suggests to me you must have at least an apprentice knowledge of the beurgeoning tigress. I am in desperate need of your sage guidance and advice as I embark on this most dangerous adventure. Most anxiously awaiting your response, Rebecca ps. I have great weed right now.